My first destination in Thailand was the island of Phuket at the suggestion of many peoples and websites. Sadly this destination proved to not to be my cup of tea because it was just to full of working girls, peddlers, inconsistent weather, and overrun by American military. Before I delve into that let’s just say the scenery of this island was absolutely beautiful! It has amazing beaches and gorgeous lushily green mountains. Most of this couldn’t be enjoyed directly because of flash showers (it was monsoon season in Thailand when I went) but in between the storms it was great. Also it has everything a tourist destination could provide from high end resorts with private beaches to divey backpackers hostels with roaches included in your barracks. Also if you can imagine the cuisine I bet you might be able to find something close on Phuket, it seems to have a little something for everyone.
So first off the most apparent thing for me on the island was the working girls. They seem to permeate every aspect of life in Patong (and to a lesser extent all of Thailand). From the insistent inquiries of “Thai masssagggggge?” being chorused at you every few hundred feet from an army of Thai masseuses in a nasally southeast Asian accent to the common street girl trying to vice grip onto your arm as you walk down the street. As you walk the town during the daytime it is hard not to notice the shear number of silver haired middle aged white men walking the streets or eating in restaurants with a cute 20 something Thai girl in tow. The thing that really got me though was when you go to any bar in Patong expect to be accosted by a variable batallion of cute Thai working girls, guess it would be awesome if that is your thing, but as I said before totally not mine. Anyways, it was entertaining for a short time just because it is such a culture shock but that culture shock was short lived. It didn’t take long before I was tired of playing games of Connect 4 or Jackpot (a really fun dice game) to supplement minimal levels of communication because of language barriers punctuated by constant insistent pleas of the girls asking for drinks (they make money off each drink bought for them). To follow that up at some point the bartender is going to go over to attempt to convince you to pay a bar penalty to take the girl home, since I was never game for this I just ended up eating Panaeng Curry from the retired Lady-Boy who ran a street food cart every night at about 3am.
Another constant barrage of distraction was the insistent peddling by just about everyone for whatever wares they may carry. Walking anywhere usually comes with a plethora of Thai, Indian, or many other assorted flavors of peoples constantly asking “Tuk-tuk?”, “Hey man, cheap Armani suits look inside”, or “Ping pong show?” It isn’t that bad but I found it got to the point where I would avoid making eye contact with anyone that was on the sides of the street or that I didn’t immediately recognize. Making eye contact is like a death sentence, death by an overzealous shop keeper following you down the street trying to convince you how much you need a knock-off luxury Armani suit for cheap.
The last thing that lessened my experience of Patong was something that has great potential to ruin just about any holiday abroad, American soldiers on R&R. The week I was traveling to southern Thailand just so happened to be the same week that the USS Ronald Reagan supercarrier and its battle group ported in Phuket. Don’t get me wrong American sailors need some R&R because, well hell, their jobs are hard as fuck! They do tough dangerous work with very little thanks or thought about it. With that caveat asside, traveling to a place where there are literally thousands of horny sailors who have been out to sea for months on end and are then let loose to roam the alcohol fueled and sex crazed streets of Patong with a big pocket full of coin is not really my choice circumstances for traveling. Nothing like a bunch of drunken sailors brawling and whoring it up to make me want to head out of town.
Phuket though is an awesome experience, just for a shorter amount of time than the 5 days I spent there. I think two days would be plenty enough time to get your fill of the island’s unique brand of culture. It was very interesting seeing a place so different to any I have seen before. Never have I been to a place that makes Las Vegas prostitute industry look so phuny nor have I ever been to a place that is so open and encouraging of transvestites and transexuals (even San Francisco fails to hold a candle to Patong in this respect). Yes, I do got stories about the Lady-Boys but I guess I will leave that for another post, one less negative feeling because those girls (or boys?) are a hilarious.
