I attempted to look up the phrase “lost in the woods…” because I have heard it used before (what comes to mind is Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly) to describe someone who is in over their head clueless on how to act or behave in whatever circumstance they find themselves. I am once again lost in the woods, clueless on how to act or behave in the circumstances that I find myself and feeling in over my head. As always how I found myself in this position was most likely self induced, which makes it that much more aggravating, but this time there is also an timing aspect that is beyond my power to control. I really enjoy Malcolm’s response to being accused of liking being lost in the woods;

Inara: [to Simon] You’re lost in the woods. We all are. Even the captain. The only difference is he likes it that way.
Mal: [walks in] No, the only difference is the woods are the only place I can see a clear path.

Even though I enjoy Malcolm’s stance I do not know how to implement it. I believe the meaning behind what Malcolm is saying, if explicitly meant or not, is that when he finds himself in a situation that would commonly be considered ‘out of the woods’ he actually finds himself lost in the woods. When he is not in over his head he actually finds himself lost, without direction, and unable to figure out how to act or behave. It is somewhat bizarre that the only time Mal can see where to go is when he is in over his head, but it somehow this makes sense to me. He needs that struggle, needs to fight, needs to reach for some goal that has to be attained or accomplished and the only time one can feel this need is when one is lost in the woods. I understand this feeling.

For me not having some goal to achieve is like poison for my soul (if i had a concept of a soul). Nothing will cause me to deteriorate as fast as not having some goal to work towards. If I am not lost in the woods I will find a way to become lost in the woods. I will acquire a new goal and with that will (if it is a non-trivial goal) come many difficulties and challenges. For instance my current goal of traveling and teaching abroad definitely came with many moment of feeling like I was in over my head, but I have not felt so alive in so very long. Also this alive feeling makes me feel that no matter how lost I am in the woods, that I will be able to find my way out; that no burden is to much to bear, no hard choice to hard to make. This goes right back to a Nietzsche quote I have posted prior, but this goal is Nietzsche’s why to live.